uri9158: a digital drawing of uriel, a character from omniscient reader's viewpoint. she is holding a can of coke zero (Default)
[personal profile] uri9158
I've been recently taking melatonin to help fix my sleep schedule. It works like a dream, but I get crazy surreal nightmares whenever I take it. I tried googling it and apparently melatonin increases the amount of time you spend in REM sleep, the stage of sleep where you dream.

I'm not complaining. If anything I want to eventually draw all my dreams and compile them. I once found a book with a similar premise. I can't remember the title, but I know its Japanese. I found it while searching for LSD Dream Emulator. Though, I cannot for the life of me remember if it was directly related or not. It definitely had a similar vibe. The dreams were very abstract and surreal.

I was excited when I started having these melatonin dream sessions because they were so vivid. At the same time, I was bummed over the content in these obvious nightmares. I've had so many dreams where I'm incompetent or a kleptomaniac. I have no clue why I'm so scared of the concept of me stealing things.

And the fear of incompetence is... well complex I guess? Its not exactly incompetence, but it has a lot to do with self esteem. I don't what to get all Freud on my ass, but its obvious my subconscious is pretty direct when it comes to translating things from my conscious. I had a nightmare last night about not being able to press a button and close the garage door. My dad was pulling out of the garage and had asked me to open and close the garage door for him (the big one that cars go in and out of). He had a button in his car to operate the door, but he wanted to test me. So I push the button, it doesn't work. I push it again, nothing happens. I start spamming the button. This seems to work. He backs out, but then as he is about halfway out the garage door starts closing on the car. A couple seconds late the sensor realizes, "oops that's a car I'm crushing," but the damage had been done. The car had a big horizontal dip on the roof like it had gotten caught in a mouse trap. My dad, exasperated, tells me to try again. I do. The same thing happens. This series of events repeats itself several times until my dad opens the door with his car. He gets out to talk to me. I deflect blame immediately, "the garage automatically started closing on the car! The button wasn't working" I say. My dad says something I don't remember. I then remember how garages work and realize both the door and the button had been working, but it took the door a couple half-seconds to respond. I feel guilty and awful. The dream ends.

I miss being 5 and having my nightmares revolve around having the breath tickled out of me by a duck mascot costume.
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uri9158: a digital drawing of uriel, a character from omniscient reader's viewpoint. she is holding a can of coke zero (Default)
uri9158

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